Bringing Me Back

I haven't wanted to blog for so long.

Generally, when I'm not writing, it's because I'm feeling slightly insecure. There have been times in the past year and half that I've felt wildly confident, but as a whole, I've spent a lot of time questioning my skills, intelligence, and, most notably, my voice. Tonight, though, something happened that brought me back.

For the past week, I've been contemplating returning to school to get my degree in Nursing. I looked at programs last Sunday, talked to two of my best friends, who are nurses, shortly after, and made a decision by Tuesday. Surprisingly, since Tuesday, I haven't questioned my decision even though its meant scanning transcripts, applying to Community College-barely meeting the deadline, and crunching numbers.

Oh, did I mention, I also started working this week too?

Tonight, something happened that reminded me of what it feels like to satisfy the Universe, to be doing something in pursuit of my personal legend.

After submitting my application for Spokane Community College (unfortunately, my Bio class from 2007 doesn't count as the Bio 110 prerequisite-I'm so old), I excitedly texted my mom and told her. Without thought, I ended my text with, "Luckily, I still have the money Grandma Verna left me to pay for classes."

In the 45 seconds it took my mom to respond, I thought to myself, "I haven't felt this at peace about something in a long time."

My mom responded with, "She would be so thrilled...she is smiling down from above."

I couldn't keep it together.

My Grandma Verna died in March. She was 93 and ready to go, but that didn't make her passing any easier. Earlier this summer, Michael and I went to the park to read. Before we left, I asked him to pack my notecards and a pen so I could write letters. When we got to the park, though, I remembered the one person who appreciated my letters most wasn't here to receive one. There was never a time I didn't want to write a letter to my Grandma-not when I didn't want to write homework, post on a blog, never. My Grandma and I shared a special connection and when I got the text from my mom saying, "she would be thrilled," I remembered something else about my Grandma.

She was a nurse.

After a three week trip to Europe, two months as an unemployed adventurer, and a move spanning half of the country, my savings account is much smaller than it was at the beginning of the summer, though. What it still has, though, is all of the money my Grandma left me when she died. Its enough for me to take all of the prerequisites I need to go to Nursing school when Michael and I move to Seattle-its enough for me to pursue the same path she pursued.

It could be a coincidence, but I choose to believe that its my Grandma helping me to satisfy the Universe, leading me to my personal legend.