365 Days Of Love. Day 135

Sometimes faith is the hardest thing to have, the hardest thing to hold onto. Today, I started sifting through the mounds of books that will eventually line the shelves of what I’m hoping will be a wonderfully inviting and engaging library. As my fingers combed through some books that were older than my grandparents, I thought (over and over)

What a mess…

Then, I started questioning my ability to turn around the library. How will I label the thousands of books that are in there? How will I ensure that our students are falling in love with literacy and, in turn, embarking on their journey to self-discovery?

How will I do this at all?

I have yet to have a major meltdown. In fact, I’ve remained relatively calm so far despite the fact that I am friendless, in a new place, and attempting to be incredible at a job I have little experience with. I think these are generally the factors that lead to the break down of self. This time, though, as I commence on a seemingly blind path, I’m reminded of faith.

I’m reminded of my student Jorge, from my first year teaching, and his remarks, “Miss, at the beginning of the year, we were animals, but you changed us into good students who love to read.” My students could have chosen over and over to lose faith in me. Lord knows I let them down enough that any questions they had about my authority or teaching competency were certainly warranted. They chose to have faith in me, though. More importantly, they chose to have faith in themselves, to believe that they were capable of changing their future, despite their past, if they worked hard.

So, my hands, littered with dust from old books and unused shelves, my heart, heavy with responsibility and expectations, and my mind, busy with the seemingly endless “to do” list that inherently accompanies this time of year, are relying on faith. Faith that this is where I am supposed to be and this is what I am supposed to be doing. Faith that the room in the upper corner of an old school will, in fact, be a functionable library sooner rather than later. And, faith, that somewhere in my free spirited self, the abilities lie to ensure visions become a reality, ensure these kids are given the space they deserve.