With every new opportunity, there comes potential and risk.
Never in my life have I experienced so many unknowns coupled with so many desires. Yesterday, I had a meeting with a local organization. They, more or less, offered me a very part-time grant writing position. Eventually, I would love to be work full-time as a developer/ grant writer for an organization that worked to empower young girls and women. So, a very part-time position at such a place is, I think, a step in the right direction. There is potential. With potential, though, there is risk.
Potentially, this position could connect me with people and organizations that would eventually help me to create a full-time a position doing similar work for multiple entities. Or, I could write a grant that funded a grant writer's salary. So, although this position is small and certainly won't pay my bills, it comes with promise of something more. It begs me to be faithful and diligent.
And then, there is risk. Previously in my life, I scoffed at risk. When I moved to Atlanta with 400 dollars to my name, I didn't think about running out of money or having trouble finding a job or not having a place to live. I just rode the waaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaave of adventure and relied on the goodness of humanity to keep me from crashing. It worked. Now, though, with student loan payments, car payments, and a small credit card bill, the risk of accepting a very part-time job induces almost as much anxiety as joblessness does.
I'm not sure when this happened to me, I'm not sure when fear of bills and unemployment triumphed over the potential of something new. I definitely don't like it. I wish I could revert to my Atlanta-bound self and approach my present life with the innocence and faith I once had. I wish it was easier to choose the promise of potential over the demise risk could bring.
In moments of worry, sprinkled with those few promises of something great to come, I'm reminded of advice that was offered me my junior year of college,
Worry is only in the past or the present. Right now, in this moment, there is no worry.
Perhaps the promise of potential will be most readily experienced when I choose to live presently. In this moment.
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