Applying for jobs is terribly deflating. Even before I started the seemingly endless cover letter writing and resume editing process, my ego wasn't exceptionally inflated. With only a few interviews under my belt and no sure job prospects in my immediate future, I feel like perhaps giving up my job in Texas (and another one in Haiti) wasn't the most practical choice, I feel pretty darn close to a...freeloading failure.
I wish following dreams wasn't so darn difficult.
I've thought, and re-thought, about the job application process many times. Perhaps, I'm not applying for the right jobs? Maybe my resume is too long, but how do I decide what to leave out? Do my cover letters really suck? My ever supportive parents and network of friends assure me that "the right thing" will come along, but with time running out before my last paycheck deposits in my bank account, I'm starting to slightly stress about the mysterious weeks and months of possible joblessness ahead of me.
Life is so interesting. For my life's entirety, I've had plans A-Z. When I was in elementary school, my mom told me that I could go to sleep away camp. I started packing 6 months in advance. For my online classes in college, I worked as far ahead as my professors would allow and I'd take control of every group project. I've never ever not known what was ahead of me. Never.
Until now.
Ultimately, I can talk myself out of stress through reminders of faith and familial support. I've convinced myself that this is a lesson in trusting the Universe, waiting for the right door to open as opposed to bulldozing through the first creaky hinge. Yikes, though, trust in the unknown and patience for the mysterious timeline of life are incredibly shaky tenets to live my life by, my previously planned and (seemingly) perfectly organized life.
At this point, though, what else is there to do? I've applied for countless jobs, written a slew of follow up e-mails, had some pretty remarkable references hammer out letters of recommendation for me. So, I guess, for now, I'll wait and I'll trust and I'll keep trying...
This is life, a darn mysterious life at that.
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