When I first decided to move into my parents' basement, I felt like an epic failure. Wasn't I supposed to do something incredible after Teach For America? Wasn't I supposed to immune to exhaustion and subsequent bouts of rest? I thought so, too.
Most recently, though, instead of sulking in my perceived failure, I have been more grateful for
1. Geographical closeness to family
2. Unemployment (while still getting paid from my previous job), which offers me time
I'm a a fairly needless person. If I want a sandwich, I make it. If I want to take a trip, I buy a plane ticket. If my room is messy (which, let's be honest, rarely happens), I clean it. BUT, when it comes to my family, I am so needy. I'm not needy of their money, but rather, their time. Each night this week, I've conjured up a reason for my brother and nephew to come to our house. When my mom resigns to her room for the night, I whine until she joins my dad and I on the couch for our nightly shows. I run towards my grandparent's house just so I can stop and visit under the primis of "getting a drink." I love having my family close. I love that I don't have to coordinate Skype times or hear their voices over static. I'm here, they are here, and I feel so strongly that it's where I belong (at least for now).
My unemployment has birthed a slew of opportunities. This morning I was able to deliver meals to elderly people with a friend (Tama, I know you read this, is it okay to call you a friend? I debated "friend" or "friend's mom"). I loved the seeing the elderly people poke their heads out from behind their doors and when they invited us in, I enjoyed their conversation and smiles. You know those family pictures that are taken when grandbabies arrive? Those pictures that have 4 generations in one photo? Well, when we were delivering meals, even though none of the people were related to me, I still felt as if we were connecting generations. There's something so special about such connections, they hold time and wisdom, and as a 24-year old, both of those qualities are so...needed.
When thoughts of failure seep in to my mind, I combat them with this
When will you ever be able to do this again? When will you ever be getting paid, unemployed, and living rent-free?
Already in my respite, I've been given so much and I'm riding the promise that there's much more to learn, much more lovely lessons to grasp.
You have mentioned prior that the community of Mitchell is like a family. So: You are my son's friend, your mother is my friend, your aunt is my co-worker/friend and as you know - the list can go on and on. I am honored that you called me your friend. The men and women sure looked to see who the "pretty little" girl was with me today. Now they will be hoping to see you again! I wish you could have come to work with me and helped out there today too! Thank you for delivering Meals on Wheels.
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