365 Days Of Love. Day 51

Opportunity can be frightening.

Last night I spoke to one of my dear friends, who doubles as my partner in Haiti relief work. After an initial few minutes of catching up, we dove into development talks regarding an orphanage in Haiti.

We’ve both visited the orphanage multiple times and each time has proven to be just as heartbreaking as the time before. The children wear smiles, but they don’t wear shoes. Some run barefoot under the protection of ill-fitting dusty clothes, but others are only partially dressed. All of them are dusted in dirt and grime. Each time I’ve been there, snot has crusted itself on the tips of their little noses and ashy black dirt has found its niche in the slits of their brittle fingernails.

When I move to Haiti, the orphanage will be “my project." Corey and I repeatedly stressed the need to “start small” and be okay with starting small. With this mantra in mind, we expressed the need to immediately set up a reliable water source followed by a food source birthed out of a huge garden that I’ll plant upon my arrival.

From there....

We can bring down clothing and and lifestyle supplies like soap and lotion

Perhaps we can inspire our nursing friends to join us for health screenings and clinics

Then, a school with trained teachers

Corey’s art and sports programs

And then, and then, and then….

Starting small turns so big so quickly and big is frightening. I think one of the most devastating things about working in Haiti is seeing how big the need is and feeling hopeless when I consider methods of filling it. Often times, I wish some fateful being would bestow thousands of dollars on me so I could easily fill the needs I see. I’m often reminding myself that change comes in small steps through far from small amounts of work, that everyone starts out as ordinary and those who work relentlessly evolve into extraordinary. Ultimately, what I hold onto, though, is this

Fear is okay when it inspires, but when it prevents you from acting it becomes destructive.

Naturally, I want to be overwhelmed by what is expected of me. In the past, when I’ve been overwhelmed, I’ve worked really hard for a period of time and consequentially burnt out. Understanding that I am in control of my fear, my anxiety, I’m committing to seek inspiration through these emotions. Disabling fear is not productive, but inspiring fear results in action. As a final reminder, I am starting small and being okay with starting small.

The love I have for the children of the orphanage has gifted me with opportunity. The resulting fear has taught me that loving is fearing only enough to be inspired to action.