365 Days Of Love. Day 36

Mystery and adventure.

Prior to joining Teach For America, my planner and "to do" list were a source of pride. Lately, though, they've become annoying confines that my life has been reduced to. This (shameful) reality led me to reflect on moments of feelings of freedom in my life. It's been these moments that I've found it most easy to love.

Immediately, I was reminded of my first trip to Haiti.

My friend, Isiah was expressing his love for Haiti and the innate freeness and relatxtivity Haiti allows. These expressions were coupled with concerns of being limited once he moved to the United States. The company in our presence agreed and I said something about how it is in our power as individuals to feel that way regardless of setting. One person differed and said that it was much more difficult to possess those feelings in the States.

At the time, I had JUST finished my first year of teaching and I was riding the promise of a jobless summer filled with romance, adventure, and mystery. Had I been in Haiti or the States, I would have felt free and relaxed because I had no responsibility beyond myself, I had no place to hurry to, I had no schedule, I had nothing beyond my previously met physical needs of survival to concern me.

As I type this, though, I feel far differently than I did that night in Haiti. I don't think positivity is promoted by the purging of negativity in lists of, "I do this and that and my life is so hard because of A, B, and C." I do, however, want to live in the formable confines of freedom that I lived in nearly 10 months ago on that roof in a place I was barely getting to know. Realizing I cannot leave my current locale nor can a reunion convene that includes the company I was with, I've been left wondering how such vibes can be (near) consistently present?

Rarely am I a conclusive person (ends are boring only unless they are needed, but how often are they really needed), but I think feelings of freedom and relaxivity are born out of adventure and mystery.

Prior to going to Haiti the first time, I wrote a blog post in which I promised to, "follow the story." I had no expectations, all was a mystery. Upon arriving at PAP, I was stranded solo at the airport for nearly 3 hours, it was an introductory adventure. Per mystery and adventure, we are left without any expectation beyond the pursuit of the story. In daily life, it seems hard to adapt a "follow the story" mantra because I fear it won't lead to the 4 years of academic growth my students are desperate for or the date(s) to accompany me, the perma-bridesmaid, to my friends' wedding, or the crossing off of my endless "To Do" list. But, how much more fun it is to follow the story than to try to create it.

Moments of adventure and mystery are easiest to love because they lack an agenda, a "to do" list, they are written for us.

I think loving is appreciating the unknown and embracing the adventures life affords us. I'm still learning, but I think this is what great love is made of.